Before I say anything, let me first say that this whole year has been an undertaking in embodying feminine energy and anchoring the Divine Feminine. Let me also say that if I had realized what I was signing on for, I might have run screaming in the opposite direction. Thank Universe that she knows how to package these experiences in an appealing way that makes me go, "OOOOOOOH, shinyyyyy!" and then *BOOM* suddenly I am eyeballs-deep in transformation.
Each of us—no matter how we identify gender-wise—is made up of masculine and feminine energy. When I refer to the masculine energy, I am referring to the pushing energy. The "let's get stuff done energy." The "work harder, more, do it NOW" energy. There great benefits to this energy, unless it becomes out-of-balance. Then we have a situation like our current patriarchal society—where we are living primarily in fear, separateness, unconsciousness, and, ultimately, control.
When I refer to the feminine energy, I am speaking of the energy of compassion, creation, incubation, oneness, love energy. This, too, can be problematic when out-of-balance because there is not much action.
Both are needed in conjunction for us to function at our best—individually, and societally.
This year, while watching the Olympics, I found myself utterly captivated by the swim events. I used to be a swimmer, and my body and all of her cells were remembering what it felt like to glide through the water as I was watching. The movements were long, fluid, powerful, and filled with grace—all aspects of feminine energy. The athletes seemed to be working in harmony with the water, though I knew how much energy it took for each of them to complete a race.
Each of them exuded happiness and peace. They expressed a Love and complete devotion for what they were doing and all of the work it took to get there.
Then, one night, I finally caught a gymnastic event. I was super excited because I also used to be a gymnast, and these have always been my favorite Olympic events. (My gymnastic career ended at the ripe old age of 7, but that is a story for another day.)
As soon as the beam routines started, I realized something had shifted. These 5 things became apparent:
1. The masculine energy of pushing runs this sport. Every movement that each gymnast made appeared forced, strenuous, and staccato. AND, the effects of stress, training, and pressure were showing on their faces and their bodies.
2. These athletes are not happy. I could feel the intense pressure on them from their coaches and from themselves. No matter how big of a smile was on any of their faces, their eyes and bodies were filled with pressure and tension. It was so obvious to me this year, which got me wondering, “How much pressure and tension was I carrying, that I never before noticed this?”
3. People have the ability to change their physical appearance through focus. My lifelong admiration for gymnasts gave me the idea of what an athletic body looked like—short, squat, very muscular, and slightly masculine. And this is what I would look like every time I started going to a gym regularly.
Over the course of a couple of years, I have changed my idea of what an athletic build looks like and the way I work out. My exercise pace has become much more regular, easy, and grace-filled. (It is also a thousand times more effective. Again, more to come on that at a later date!) My body has changed. It has become longer, more toned, and I have begun to look much more feminine.
4. This no longer feels good. Just like with swimming, my body was again feeling the movements of the athletes. Every time there was a landing, I felt the effects of the pounding and gravity on my system. This was all rooted in a very masculine energy and was no longer resonant in my system. The routines were no longer appealing to my eye, which made it very uncomfortable for me to watch.
5. When it is time to let something go, Bless and Release. I could have sat there and forced myself to watch the rest of the routines, but after the third one I was very uncomfortable and just wanted out. As a Highly Sensitive Person, my instinct is usually to continue to watch because they put so much time and effort into training, despite the negative effect this would have on me. Instead, I sent them well wishes from my heart and shut off the tv to go do something that fed my soul.
There are people in the world (and probably reading this) for whom gymnastics is a beautiful form of expression, and I honor that. I honor the sport and the talent and work it takes to get to the level of excellence that the Olympics require. However, because I am spending so much more time with the Divine Feminine than ever before, it no longer resonated with me. It is time for a much more fluid, supported, and flowing way of life.
I give myself permission to move forward and let go of what no longer serves me.
I give myself permission to feel into and experience what is right for me in this moment.