In times of change, the best way that we can serve the world is to strive to get to an emotionally neutral place and trust that Heaven is on our side. This does NOT mean staying quiet. This means stating TRUTH without emotional charge—so that it can be heard and felt clearly by all who are on the receiving end of it. Read More
Before I say anything, let me first say that this whole year has been an undertaking in embodying feminine energy and anchoring the Divine Feminine. Let me also say that if I had realized what I was signing on for, I might have run screaming in the opposite direction. Thank Universe that she knows how to package these experiences in an appealing way that makes me go, "OOOOOOOH, shinyyyyy!" and then *BOOM* suddenly I am eyeballs-deep in transformation.
Each of us—no matter how we identify gender-wise—is made up of masculine and feminine energy. When I refer to the masculine energy, I am referring to the pushing energy. The "let's get stuff done energy." The "work harder, more, do it NOW" energy. There great benefits to this energy, unless it becomes out-of-balance. Then we have a situation like our current patriarchal society—where we are living primarily in fear, separateness, unconsciousness, and, ultimately, control.
When I refer to the feminine energy, I am speaking of the energy of compassion, creation, incubation, oneness, love energy. This, too, can be problematic when out-of-balance because there is not much action.
Both are needed in conjunction for us to function at our best—individually, and societally.
This year, while watching the Olympics, I found myself utterly captivated by the swim events. I used to be a swimmer, and my body and all of her cells were remembering what it felt like to glide through the water as I was watching. The movements were long, fluid, powerful, and filled with grace—all aspects of feminine energy. The athletes seemed to be working in harmony with the water, though I knew how much energy it took for each of them to complete a race.
Each of them exuded happiness and peace. They expressed a Love and complete devotion for what they were doing and all of the work it took to get there.
Then, one night, I finally caught a gymnastic event. I was super excited because I also used to be a gymnast, and these have always been my favorite Olympic events. (My gymnastic career ended at the ripe old age of 7, but that is a story for another day.)
As soon as the beam routines started, I realized something had shifted. These 5 things became apparent:
1. The masculine energy of pushing runs this sport. Every movement that each gymnast made appeared forced, strenuous, and staccato. AND, the effects of stress, training, and pressure were showing on their faces and their bodies.
2. These athletes are not happy. I could feel the intense pressure on them from their coaches and from themselves. No matter how big of a smile was on any of their faces, their eyes and bodies were filled with pressure and tension. It was so obvious to me this year, which got me wondering, “How much pressure and tension was I carrying, that I never before noticed this?”
3. People have the ability to change their physical appearance through focus. My lifelong admiration for gymnasts gave me the idea of what an athletic body looked like—short, squat, very muscular, and slightly masculine. And this is what I would look like every time I started going to a gym regularly.
Over the course of a couple of years, I have changed my idea of what an athletic build looks like and the way I work out. My exercise pace has become much more regular, easy, and grace-filled. (It is also a thousand times more effective. Again, more to come on that at a later date!) My body has changed. It has become longer, more toned, and I have begun to look much more feminine.
4. This no longer feels good. Just like with swimming, my body was again feeling the movements of the athletes. Every time there was a landing, I felt the effects of the pounding and gravity on my system. This was all rooted in a very masculine energy and was no longer resonant in my system. The routines were no longer appealing to my eye, which made it very uncomfortable for me to watch.
5. When it is time to let something go, Bless and Release. I could have sat there and forced myself to watch the rest of the routines, but after the third one I was very uncomfortable and just wanted out. As a Highly Sensitive Person, my instinct is usually to continue to watch because they put so much time and effort into training, despite the negative effect this would have on me. Instead, I sent them well wishes from my heart and shut off the tv to go do something that fed my soul.
There are people in the world (and probably reading this) for whom gymnastics is a beautiful form of expression, and I honor that. I honor the sport and the talent and work it takes to get to the level of excellence that the Olympics require. However, because I am spending so much more time with the Divine Feminine than ever before, it no longer resonated with me. It is time for a much more fluid, supported, and flowing way of life.
I give myself permission to move forward and let go of what no longer serves me.
I give myself permission to feel into and experience what is right for me in this moment.
No amount of spiritual work can ever prepare you for losing those that you hold most dear. You can know intellectually that everything is ok, but that doesn't mean that it is not excruciatingly painful.
We mourn at times of death for many reasons, often the biggest one is that we cannot imagine moving forward without this person being around. The world feels like it has stopped turning,and seeing anyone going about their daily business can often be painful and confusing. How can you be doing that [insert mundane task here] when the world as we know it has changed?
Sometimes we mourn from the place of release. Often when a loved one dies, this moment has been preceded by a long stretch of failing health and increased time spent caring for this person. As awful as it feels to admit (and part of why we feel guilt), we might feel relief. This can be for any of a number of reasons, some of the biggest being relief that this person is no longer suffering, relief that we can finally express the anger/sadness/fear/confusion/weakness that we had been hiding from everyone else for so long while trying to be strong and "just get through this".
And sometimes, just sometimes, we mourn from a place of gratitude. Enough said.
Recently, my cat died. (I know to non-animal lovers this could sound a little crazy, so if that is the case, just skip a bit and resume reading when you see the bolded number 1.) He had been there for me, unconditionally, for the past 18 years. He was always gave me a ceremonial greeting and was elated that I was there, even when no one else was. He was there to love me up when no one else wanted to cuddle and would sit and listen to me for hours, purring, if I were in the mood to pontificate.
In the days before Sebastian's death, people would ask how I was. I would always reply, "broken," though I can't be sure if I ever said this out loud. Despite knowing what the "other side" is like, having studied non-attachment for lifetimes, and knowing that his transition would be peaceful and lovely, it was still the hardest time of my life. For a little while, I felt I could not be certain that it was the right time. Then, when it was obvious, I felt that I was losing a part of myself and that I would never be whole again.
I don't think it is fair that often we are responsible for the death of our animals. It brings with it layers of responsibility for things that we might not know anything about. I was angry. This was God's job and when I needed God S/He took the day off.
Here are some tools that I've learned throughout my life that have really helped me through this process. I want to share them with you, so that you will have them when needed.
No idea where to begin? Start here:
1. Feel the emotions. Allow the emotions to come up and be expressed. Yell at God if you need to, trust me, (S)he can take it. Weep openly in the middle of the street. Whatever it takes, let them flow through you and allow them to go. You don't need to hold onto them.
2. Release the guilt. Often, after a loved one dies, we feel tremendous guilt that we should have said, done, or tried to do more. Sometimes, we realize that we had a day or a string of days that wasn't quite as painful as we thought it would be. Suddenly we might feel some guilt for not missing them or stating in mourning as much or as long as we should. I am here to tell you that this is nonsense.
Time heals all wounds. As much as these trite sayings can infuriate us when we are in the midst of a crisis, they are all true. Each day will get a little easier.
3. Know that you will have setbacks. You wake up one day and are fine. In fact, you have been fine for a while now. Suddenly, you see someone wearing the brand of socks that your loved one always wore, or there is a dog that looks just the way your dog did. Your brain might now even register this stimulus on a conscious level, but suddenly the emotional floodgates are opened and you are crying your eyes. out. Return to #1 and allow the emotions to flow through you and out so you don't get stuck in them or stuff them down.
4. Be open to communication. Watch for signs. Very often you will get signs from the other side that are your loved one's way of letting you know that everything is ok. Sometimes, they happen immediately after a death, but we are too busy morning to be able to pay attention to them. Don't expect them to look a certain way, either. Be open to allowing communication to take the shape that it needs to take.
These are just a few ways that you can emotionally breathe through the loss of a loved one. It never gets easier, but knowing and accepting that life will go on helps us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My heart goes out to all of you who have recently experienced loss. It seems that a great many beautiful souls have left the planet so far this year. Know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart.
These steps work for losses of all kinds—relationship break ups, divorces, employment. Use the tools provided as-needed.
Please, if you are stuck in depression or are having a really hard time coping with loss seek the support of a professional. We are not meant to walk through any of this alone.